


411: A Crack!Fic

by Huntress69



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 21:58:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Huntress69/pseuds/Huntress69
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel loses Dean's phone number</p>
            </blockquote>





	411: A Crack!Fic

**Disclaimer: I disclaim any semblance of sanity in the creation of this fic. Feel free to throw rotten tomatoes and curse me out. I will simply hide behind Sam's massive frame which can protect anyone from anything.**

**************

_"Operator 666, how may I help you?"_

"Operator 666?"

_"Yes, and I have heard every joke about it."_

"Ah, I see."

_"How can I help you, sir?"_

"I need Dean's phone number; I have lost it."

_"Last name."_

"I do not have one."

_"Last name of the party."_

"I do not want a party, I want Dean."

_"Last name, please."_

"I need to speak with Dean."

_"Who is Dean?"_

"Sam's brother, elder son of John and Mary."

_"What city?"_

"I am in Phoenix."

_"What city is your party in?"_

"I am not having a party. I am trying to avert the apocalypse."

_"Oh yeah, I heard they were re-releasing **Apocalypse Now**. What, you don't like the movie?"_

"This is not a movie; this is **the** apocalypse, the Book of Revelations."

_"I thought the book was called **Heart of Darkness**."_

Castiel was confused, and then he heard the mysterious words again, followed by crackling noises.

"Can you hear me now?"

_"Unfortunately, yes."_

"Why does the voice keep telling me I am almost out of minutes?"

_"You need to buy more."_

"More what?"

_"Minutes. Now, who is your carrier?"_

"I do not require a carrier; I walk on my own."

_"Oh, a comedian, huh?"_

"No, Jeffrey Dean Morgan was The Comedian. I am Castiel. Although I suppose I am more like Rorschach."

_"Rorschach?"_

"I felt it prudent to memorize the Internet Movie Data Base as I kept getting lost in Dean's references. And Uriel once called me an inkblot so I think it is appropriate."

_"What do you want, sir?"_

"What I really want is to find my Father."

_"Is Dean your father?"_

"Dean is Sam's brother; I already mentioned that John is **their** Father."

_"Then who is your father?"_

"The most powerful being in all the Heavens."

_"Your father is Donald Trump?"_

"No, my Father is the Lord."

_"Your Father is a Lord? You're royalty?"_

"No, **The** Lord."

_"Now we're getting somewhere. How do you spell Thelord?"_

"I...."

_"I'm sorry, I have no listing for a Dean Thelord in Phoenix."_

"Dean is not in Phoenix; I am in Phoenix."

_"What city is Dean in?"_

"If I knew that, I could locate him!"

_"Sir, if you're going to take that tone with me, I am disconnecting this call."_

"Can you locate Bobby Singer."

_"What city is the party in?"_

"There is no party, as I mentioned. However, Bobby is in South Dakota."

_"I have 67 Bobby Singer's and 92 Robert Singer's. Do you have a middle initial?"_

"The name is only Castiel."

_"Okay, let me see. No, I'm sorry, I have no listing for a Robert Castiel Singer in South Dakota."_

"Never mind."

_"Thank you for using 411 information."_

Castiel had had enough. "Blow it out your fucking ass." He hung up, standing in the middle of the street, knowing he would have to wait for Dean to call him. The phone beeped and he answered it. "Hello?"

"Cas, I forgot to tell you where I am."

"Dean, I am glad it is you. I have lost your phone number."

"No problem. My number is 785-83...."

_"We're sorry, but your mobile minutes have expired. Please contact your carrier to purchase additional minutes."_

Castiel sighed; he'd look into this thing called mobile minutes in the morning, and would simply wait for Dean to call him again. For now, he took in his surroundings, catching sight of a brightly lit building that appeared friendly enough. There were people outside laughing and seemingly having a good time. "Yes, that is the place for me to enjoy myself." 

And so Castiel, angel of the Lord, who raised Dean Winchester from Perdition, walked over to the cheery place - which happened to be a leather bar cum S&M club.

But that's a story for another time.

**FIN**


End file.
